In an increasingly frenetic and career-oriented world for both men and women, being able to count on the support of in-laws is often the only way to decide to expand your family or, in any case, to enjoy comfort and ” services “that the couple – on their own – could not guarantee. The relationship with the in-laws, however, is not always easy. We are told about jokes, films, books, TV series. And it’s not just a fantasy or a legend, but a story deeply inspired by reality. Mostly the conflict arises between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law. Triggered, perhaps, by the irrepressible female competition or, perhaps, by the fact that the mothers of male children can be overprotective and not accept the entry of another woman into the life of “their” child. Other times, however, the conflict with the in-laws arises from their profound interference in the life and choices of the couple, the education of children / grandchildren and the management of the family home. Then, however, there are also numerous situations in which the young couple knowingly decides to use the help and support of their in-laws and, when they become uncomfortable, the words “help and support” are illogically renamed in “interference and intrusion”. The problem is serious and widespread, also because it is not possible to consider a person detached from his relationships, his experience, his history and his context. It is illusory, that is, to argue that the formation of a couple – and therefore of a new family unit – can completely disregard the relationship with their respective families of origin. And so it is, that the roles and responsibilities of the husband and wife are intertwined with the interference (positive or negative) of the in-laws. In the event of separation, the jurisprudence had to pronounce on several occasions to settle disputes of this content. Some sentences reached the extreme conclusion to base the charge of the separation on the interference of the in-laws in the “new family”. To claim, in other words, that that marriage has come to an end precisely because of the indiscreet intrusiveness of the parents of one of the spouses. Thus, for example, the separation was charged to a husband who was unable to stem the intrusion of his parents into the couple’s life, assuming a totally defenseless and uninterested behavior. Of course, in order for the judges to arrive at this conclusion, it is necessary that this is a particularly oppressive intrusion so as to take away from the couple any possibility of relationship. This is why, in as many judgments, the judges excluded that in-laws were the cause of the end of the marriage, considering them, rather, the trick to hide the real problems of the couple. In fact, the distinction between debiting separation is verifying whether it was precisely that intrusiveness that caused the crisis and made the continuation of marital coexistence intolerable (and not other reasons such as, for example, a betrayal never forgiven). However, the boundary between one scenario and the other is certainly blurred and the only behavior that can save the well-being of the couple – or in any case avoid the charge of separation in case of shipwreck of marriage – is to be guarantors, each towards their family of origin, the serenity and balance of their family. by Avv. Marzia Coppolamarzia.coppola@abdp.it Bernardini de Pace law firm
When do in-laws become too intrusive? How to defend yourself: the limits established by law
